


Dinner at the Ritz? I think not.

by Anonymous



Series: A Group of Idiots [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hell, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 14:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19975915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: All Crowley wanted was to have a nice meal. Being dragged down to hell was certainly not on his agenda.Luckily all Lucifer wants is to have a friendly conversation.





	Dinner at the Ritz? I think not.

This story contains three important characters: 

Crowley- Fallen Angel, current demon and hell-fugitive.

Aziraphale- Angel, full-on softie and heaven-fugitive.

And last but not least, 

Lucifer Morningstar- Fallen angel, king of Hell and most importantly, heartbroken dumbass.

See, the evening that this story took place, Lucifer's world had been turned upside down, and after a demon uprising he realized that he had to return to hell, not before his partner and love interest for the past three years had finally declared her love for him though. 

And so he left the earthly plane, leaving all those that he cared about, and that cared about him.

Once again he was alone, left to survive on his own in the barren hellish land that stretched out in front of him.

Back on the balcony of his penthouse in LA Chloe's teardrops softly found their way to the ground. Lucifer sensed it. Somehow he knew what she was feeling. Maybe it was another one of his father's manipulations, quite honestly he didn't know nor care. 

Even if it had been intended as torture, he was more than content to feel connected to her in any way. 

And so he sat on his throne, high above the city, softly sobbing. Allowing the pent up emotion to seep away.

#//#

Crowley and Aziraphale were ravenous. They'd spent the day at the bookshop, reading, hugging, kissing. All of the good stuff, but as the daytime slowly melted into night they realized that both of them were more than content to have a bite. 

The restaurant was swiftly decided, and as countless times before, they found themselves at the entrance of the Ritz.

They were about to beckon the waiter to come to their table, when Crowley felt it. 

It started as a tingle. A weird, unnatural feeling, like when anaesthesia first enters your blood flow, but soon it evolved. Within seconds Crowley felt the flames licking at his feet. The vibrant colors and heat, that somehow only he noticed.

And then it hit him.  _ Hell. _

##//## 

It was Lucifer's first move when he returned. Calling every demon that was currently on Earth back to hell.

Well, everyone but Maze. After all, she was her own person now.

The confused looks on the demons that appeared out of nothingness were hilarious, and he grinned ever so slightly. 

It felt  _ wrong. _

He didn't want to laugh without his detective. He didn't want to feel the happiness- because, he reminded himself, he was alone. He'd hurt those he left behind.

And then a fight broke out.

##//##

Crowley was melting. His legs were already gone, his essence dripped through the stone flooring. 

The last thing he saw was Aziraphale's confused and worried glance as the last bit of him disappeared.

Before he knew it he was on the ashen ground that he recognized from eons before. 

It wasn't  _ his _ department. The place ran by Beelzebub, it was the central area of hell. He hadn't been here since he had just fallen. (Or, well, sauntered vaguely downwards- but really, who's keeping track.)

His initial fear that only he was pulled down to hell was quickly proven wrong, as dozens of puzzled field agents scratched their heads in confusion.

It was then they saw the figure on the throne looming over them, as they quickly repositioned themselves to a more formal position.

Whispers such as 'The king is back.' and 'He has returned.' Quickly spread through the crowd. Even Crowley, who hadn't set foot in hell for many years had heard of his boss' vacation. 

Crowley wanted nothing to do with any of it. So he did what he had always been known for doing when things got tough. He ran, and he didn't look back.

He ran, and ran, and then. Then he felt someone grip the back of his suit.

He turned around and looked straight into the cold, black eyes that belonged to none other than Hastur. 

The duke of hell grinned lethally. And Crowley knew he had to escape. 

When Hastur expected it least, he transformed into a snake and bit the hand that was previously holding him. (For the record, it tasted disgusting)

The poison flowed into Hasturs veins within seconds, but it didn't seem to do him any good, as the hand found his way to his serpentine neck and strangled them. 

The breath was pushed out of his lungs and he struggled to breath for a second before accepting just  _ how  _ fucked he was. And right when he noticed that consciousness was slipping away, the hand let go. 

It took a minute for him to be able to open his eyes, but when he did he regretted it instantly. 

He looked right into the dark eyes of his lord.

##//##

He hadn't even been back for an hour and he  _ already _ had to break up a fight. 

How any of the demons made it through the period he was gone was a mystery.

Only when he approached the two he recognized them. 

The one was Hastur; that was no surprise. But the other one… That. That was not expected.

The demon Crowley, formerly known as Crawly hadn't set foot in hell for several years. So much so that he hadn't expected him to be down here. 

Logically though, he was still a demon, and therefore still was forced to come. 

Yes, of course he had been annoyed when the apocalypse had failed, but now, after learning what earth had to offer, he was more thankful that words could describe.

He had to move quickly though, because it seemed that Hastur was quickly squeezing the life out of the serpent.

He pulled Hastur off of him, and waited for the Demon to open his eyes. He saw that he arrived just in time, as Crowley took a ragged breath. 

It took a while before the demon finally opened his eyes, flinching away when he saw who was in front of him.

#//#

'Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit' repeated like a mantra in Crowley's head. He managed to stand up, stumbling for a second before backing away.

If he thought he was dead before, he was now eviscerated. 

He expected Lucifer to kill him on the spot, but instead he extended a hand. "Long time no see" he said calmly.

Reluctantly Crowley took his hand and nodded. "You too, lord."

"Oh, no need for that. We should talk. Meet me at my palace." With that he disappeared, leaving Crowley rendered speechless.

-

Later that day he arrived at the gate of the dark-looking castle. 

It was an impressive building, he gave them that. The walls were high, the towers large and massive.

He'd always wondered what it would look like on the inside, but regardless of what he imagined, he couldn't have thought up the reality.

The guard let him in without any preamble. It looked quite a bit like his flat in London, dark and slightly cold, but not intimidating.

He was lead to Lucifer's private chamber, and when he entered he saw the devil sitting on a sleek black-leather couch. 

"Crowley" he greeted.

The demon nodded in response.

"Sit down" he said, but it wasn't a command, more of a question. 

He did nevertheless, on one of the chairs opposite of Lucifer. 

"I suppose I should tell you why you're here.. I would like to discuss the events of the armageddon."

Crowley flinched and looked at the ground, but Lucifer continued.

"I wanted to thank you. Without you I never would have gotten to know what humanity had to offer. The past three years, when I was on earth; they were the best I've ever had. And I can't begin to express how thankful I am to you and your angel partner that you made sure it didn't end."

Crowley's head shot up, had he heard that correctly? "I-... Well, err. You're welcome?"

"Now I assume you would like to return back to your angel.. What's his name, it's on the tip of my tongue."

"Aziraphale"

"Ah, yes Aziraphale. Angel of the eastern gate. He's always been a striking chap hmmm"

"Yes I suppose so." Crowley awkwardly answered.

Lucifer cracked him a smile. "If I do manage to return to earth, be sure to visit Lux in Los Angeles. Drinks are on me."

Crowley nodded, and before he managed to process what happened, he was back in the Ritz.

Aziraphale looked as if he saw a ghost, and given the circumstances he couldn't really blame him.

"My dear boy, what happened. He stammered.

Crowley took a second to reply, but curtly answered, "I need a drink."

**Author's Note:**

> That's it for this mediocre story. I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> (Also, I'm not joking when I say that this story was written in a church. Isn't that ironic.)


End file.
